Well, haven't posted in a long time. I'm thinking I need to get back to it just for the catharsis. Since my last post, I've not only been a lot better but a lot worse. I got to the point where I was driving to the city, and even went into stores. Then, the storm came...literally.
Here in the Midwest, we're always prone to a decent severe thunderstorm in the spring/summer. In the spring of 2011, when I had been getting so much better at getting out, we had a quick and powerful storm. Why would this effect my recovery you ask? Well, anyone who knows me knows that I have a deep fear of tornadoes, so I never really take well to those crazy storms. This storm came quick, without much warning, and with lots of fear. It was late at night, and it seemed like within minutes of learning this storm was coming, we were rushing for our basement to take cover. We didn't get a tornado, but straight line winds were enough to make us think there was one, and to throw me into the type of panic attack I hadn't had in a VERY long time. It ended up not being a tornado, but straight line winds were so bad that it tore up a lot of things in the area, including ripping the roof off of our neighbors house. After it was over, one would think that that would be it, I was scared in the moment, but should be fine now, right? Wrong. Having that panic attack and being reminded of what it felt like completely shook my confidence, and slowly all my progress began to slip away, until I was again home bound and not even trying anymore.
That was all until last summer, when I kept seeing things on FB groups about Christian EFT for anxiety. I thought maybe it was a sign that I needed to look into this type of therapy, and finally I did. The woman who helped others through this offered the first session for free, so I figured that I had nothing to lose, and I could do this all over the phone. After the first session, I decided this was something I wanted to stick with, so I've been having weekly (twice a week at first) sessions with her. If you don't know what EFT is, I encourage you to look into it. It's a therapy in which you use the acupuncture technique to relieve the stress and anxiety we hold in the energy meridians in our bodies. Now, it sounds crazy, I know, but it works. My therapy is Christian focused which makes it even better to me, and since I've started I've made a lot of progress. Where I was struggling just to drive around the block with someone riding with me, I am now driving a half hour away to the city with someone riding alon, going through stop-lights, and am now preparing again to start going into stores. At the end of last summer, I even had a friend over to visit a couple of times, both that lasted for a few hours, and were very calm situations (particularly for not having had a friend over to visit with me in about four years..yikes!).
I even started a new job last fall, albeit it's from home. I found a company that I could work for from home taking calls as a customer rep. While this may not sounds like any form of progress with my agoraphobia, it really is. When I first started, I was very scared. At one point a few years ago, I wasn't answering the home phone, and felt very nervous when I did have to talk to someone. Now, it's an everyday thing, and find it very easy to talk to all of these strangers all day.
So, this is really just a quick, readers digest version of what's been going on since my last post. I'm hoping to not only keep an update going of what I'm doing, but get a little more in depth with the whole process. It's completely daunting to think I have to basically rebuild my life from the ground up, and learn how to be the social, calm, and productive person I once was, but I'm doing it. I'm on my way, and I have complete faith that I won't stop until I get there. "There" seems to be just around the corner.
